Christmas

Christmas was really really nice despite our post-vacation depression :)

I got my husband a Slingbox Pro. It's this cool gadget that allows you to watch your cable TV on your laptop or mobile device. You can even access your TiVo'd shows as well. So when we go on vacation, it's like having our TV with us, including our shows. Total luxury. He also wanted an XBOX 360 but I could not bring myself to get him one. And now, as I type, he is playing with his new XBOX that he bought HIMSELF just about an hour ago. Sigh. I could be an XBOX widow for awhile. I have never been a fan or supporter of video games but I suppose that's more because I'm a female than my personality, right? When was the last time you heard of a woman who was super in to gaming? Not me.

I got a day at the spa. A few years ago this gift would have not interested me in the least. Now, I'm so looking forward to it. My other gift is laser hair removal. We'll see about that one though. I need to see how much it actually costs. I think in the long run it saves money over waxing and it's permanent so no more monthly waxing. I also got a gift certificate at one of my favorite clothing stores - Anthropologie. It's such and expensive store that I rarely shop there but they have such beautiful things. My dad got us a small digital camera and gave it to us before our trip to Mexico. Our small one got stolen from our suitcase awhile back and we didn't want to bring our big digital SLR. Nothing says "please rob me" like a telephoto lens.

Just before our trip, I got my hair cut from a new stylist. She is AWESOME. I have the most fine limp hair and struggle to give it life. This woman works magic. It may not seem like it, but the texture is so much better. I go to bed with it wet and wake up and it looks pretty darn good. I love this woman. I also got some very subtle highlights. She said I can get them as infrequently as every 5 months!! How cool is that? A good hairdresser is so hard to find - she's a keeper!

My daughter's favorite gift thus far is her trash truck. It's fully automated too. It raises the dumpster, dumps the trash, smashes it, honks the horn and does the back up beeps too. It's adorable to watch her operate it. I wonder if she has aspirations to work at the dump just like her mom did. She makes me so proud!

We had the grandparents over on Christmas morning to watch our daughter open her gifts. I decided to make an easy make ahead breakfast so I wouldn't be in the kitchen all morning. I found a hash-brown sausage casserole recipe online. I know, I know it doesn't get more white trash than that, but it was actually pretty good. I also made some cinnamon rolls as well. I'm going to have to work on lightening the casserole as I'm embarrassed to say it had 2lbs of sausage, one can of condensed cream of chicken soup, one cup of sour cream and 2lbs of hash browns in it. I think I gained a few pounds just making the recipe.

I'm now on day 5 of a 10 day dose of antibiotics. YUCK. I'm constipated. For some reason, I never really got better from whatever I had before our trip. I felt good in Mexico then it seemed to take a turn for the worse as we were heading home. I think it developed into a sinus infection but who knows. I'm so ready to feel normal again. And poop again. Sheesh.

Blogging from Paradise

Oh this place is too good for words. I didn't think I'd really get an opportunity to relax, but our daughter is napping like a champ. I had the chance to read on our deck and walk down to the beach, grab a lounge chair and plop myself down for an hour and read there too. As I was reading I noticed I put my bikini bottoms on inside out.
She's still napping and so is my husband in one of the other rooms. Our condo here is awesome and the main street (which is pedestrian only) has amazing shops and the most delicious restaurants! Us Americans make up only about 20% of the tourism here. It's mostly people from other parts of Mexico and Europeans. There are many topless women on the beach too. I think I'll join them in a couple days - don't want to burn my nipples during the first half of vacation now do I?

Daughter is LOVING all the ocean and pool time. We are even letting her drink fruit juice. Last night was the first time she ever had any and she held on so tight to the glass that she managed to pour half of it down her shirt in her eagerness to get it all in her mouth. We may have created a monster!

We are waking up at 5am tomorrow to make the almost 3 hour trek to Chichen Itza so that we can be the tour buses. I better get some more relaxing in before she wakes up! We have reservations for dinner tonight in a Thai'ish place and our table is located in a "magical tree-house". Should be cool, especially for the little one.

Sickies

I'm sicker than CRAP. We leave in less than two days for our trip so please send out the good health vibes that I am feeling better by then.

Things I'm not looking forward to:
Packing
Flying (if I'm still sick)
My white ass in a bathing suit
My slightly fatter ass in a bathing suit

Things I AM looking forward to:
Doing nothing (as much as I can with a toddler) on the beach
Not having to cook or clean
Flying with the new airplane harness and leaving the car seat behind
Great Mexican food
Seeing one of the Natural Wonders of the World
Tanning my white ass :)

At least the good out numbers the bad. Now all I have to do is feel better. And pack.

Patting myself on the back.......

I just found the COOLEST thing yesterday on the internet. If it works as well as I think, it will be one of the greatest inventions ever IMO. It just came out last year and I ordered it yesterday in preparation for our upcoming flight(s). At first, I thought we'd be bringing her car seat and just checking it with our luggage BUT........Our "driver" (makes us sound really rich, eh?) has a toddler seat so we don't even need to bring ours (pat on the back for me #2). This great on so many levels. 1. Obvious - no need to lug the 1000lb car seat through the narrow isles of the plane 2. Daughter won't be able to kick the seat in front of her (car seat allowed her to do this with ease) 3. We won't even have to worry about our car seat getting broken since we are not even bringing it and 4. Our car seat will be in our car waiting for us when we are exhausted after our trip - this always sucked to have to load the car with luggage when you are exhausted only to have to install the damn seat before you leave.

We are arriving a day before our actual condo reservation starts so we had reserved a hotel in town near the airport. Well, being the resourceful person I am, I politely inquired with the concierge at the condo if we could check in early. She said she'd contact the people staying there before us to see when they are leaving. GOOD NEWS!! No need for us to stay in a hotel for the first night. We can head directly to our condo!! Yay! (pat on the back for me #3)

I'm starting to get really excited for this trip. It is MUCH needed. Lately the hub has been so busy that I actually have to write down a list of stuff that I want to ask him/talk about in the evening because his work is NUTS. That's sad.

Okay, no one cares. I'm just excited and venting a little. It's my blog and I'll do it if I wanna.

Let's talk about Christmas. People are f'in crazy this time of year. Did you read about the shooting at a mall today somewhere in the midwest? Huh? C'mon people. Every year there are fights, stabbings, shootings, burglarys, car accidents and people getting trampled over a SALE for Christmas. I don't get it. Doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of Christmas? It's about being with your loved ones, slowing down a bit and enjoying each other's company right? I love a gift or surprise just as much as the next person but not at the expense of my loved one's health or safety. Sheesh.

Random Crap

Took the bumpers off daughter's crib on Friday. She did fine of course, I don't know why I even bother worrying anymore!

I'm considering buying this in lieu of lugging her HUGE, HEAVY car seat on the plane (I'd check it instead, since we'll need it for car rides). Isn't it cool? We are leaving for Mexico soon and then again for Hawaii in May and I think it's a grand idea!

We put the Christmas lights up on the outside of our house and in my humble opinion, ours is the best in the neighborhood ;) There is the one lady on the corner whom I think it's her main objective for her home to be seen from space. Seriously, her electric bill has got to be more than her mortgage this time of year. I shouldn't complain because it provides lots of entertainment for the kids with the music, lights, snow machine and mechanical animals dancing and singing. We bought and put up our Christmas tree on Sunday but have yet to light it and decorate it. It's HUGE - 12 feet and HEAVY. You should have seen us trying to get it into the house. I wasn't that much help but I tried.

More later, she's awake!

New Obsession

I LOVE this song. Love the words. Love the beat. Love Justin.

Choice Words

Yesterday my daughter said - clear as day - the word "diarrhea". I can't for the life of me get her to say "I love you". I find it so funny that there are certain words that she is happy to repeat and others she won't even attempt.

It wasn't like I was trying to teach her that word. She has had diarrhea for a couple days now and when I was on the phone with her doc she chose to repeat it. Loud. It's gross, watery, frequent and smells like vinegar. Blech.

Mama Drama

I think I'm at that age now where I realize that my parents are just people who make mistakes just like the rest of us. Maybe I'm a little late in my realization. That said, my mother is nuts.

A few months ago she broke up with her boyfriend of 10 years. They had been living together for about 7 or 8 of those years. I've always thought they made an odd couple. My mom is kind of a gym rat (goes everyday after work) and has worked at the same place for 35 years managing to move up the ladder nicely. Her boyfriend sort of was a job hopper (general contractor, car sales) and shows about as much interest in physical activity as my daughter does in dolls. Now, I know for many these differences may not matter, but for my mom they have always bothered her. For a couple years now they seemed to be living separate lives. My mom would come home from work, change and go to the gym while he would be on the couch watching TV. She'd get home and make dinner and serve him his dinner in front of the TV. Okay, enough history.

I have recently learned that she has a boyfriend. She has likely had this boyfriend for over a year. Yes, an affair. AN AFFAIR. Mind you, my parents divorced b/c my father had an affair (which he still feels guilty for to this day and finds many opportunities to apologize for his actions). This new man is a man she has known since she was a teenager and whom she used to work for when she was young. She's always had a thing for him and him for her apparently. Well, his wife died a few years ago, he contacted my mom and the rest is history. So not only did I recently learn of this new man, she tells me they are engaged and he is moving down here Thanksgiving weekend. Ummmm.....what?

A few things about my mom have always annoyed me. Her lack of listening skills and her ability to be "stressed out" all the time. I've let her know that while I do like this new guy (met him once), I DO NOT approve of how they went about things. AT ALL. Now I'm in the awkward position of fielding a billion questions once her ex and my Dad find this out. I want my mother to be happy. She deserves that - but I feel like she is acting selfish. This all seems so soon. Granted, she should have broken up with her ex a long time ago but that is no excuse. He was crushed. Is crushed. And soon he'll find out that another man is moving in.

I had dinner with my mom last night and on the way out, I got a little irked with my daughter who fussed and screamed through much of dinner. She said I have no patience. I said (in my nicest tone), "Mom, you were never a stay-at-home mom" to which she replied, "No, but you kids used to ask endless questions all day". I wanted to scream at her but I held it in. Even as a kid I remember being curious and asking questions and her saying things like, "not now", just plain ignoring me, or saying an absent "uh-huh". She still does that shit. To this day I'm pretty sensitive when I know someone is not paying attention to me when I feel I have something important to say.

Now I know why I was and still am a Daddy's Girl.
I thought only my husband had the crazy parents.

Halloween, Butt-docs & Motherhood

Daughter went trick-or-treating for the first time last night with me. We only went to 6 homes. She seemed excited yet inquisitive ("mommy, why the hell are we walking around at night and knocking on people's doors?"). She didn't quite understand why she wasn't being invited inside to explore each person's home. I guess if you think about it from a first time toddler's perspective, it's a very strange concept. I wasn't so thrilled about her wanting to eat the candy but I'm trying to ease up on my analness as of late. I let her open and bite a little KitKat (my personal fav) but alas! she wasn't into it and handed it to me. We tried again with a MilkyWay and got the same result. Yes! I know it won't be long before all she wants is candy but right now I'm loving that she loves to eat veggies and fruit with the occasional bite of chicken.

Strangely, I seem to not be in a wolfing-down-chocolate-as-fast-as-I-can phase. I do go through these phases occasionally but they seem rare. I've been eating very lightly too. Hmmmm........

Dance lessons have been the opposite of fun lately. I just get annoyed doing exercises to warm up my abs and inner thighs. I don't wanna! Sometimes I just want to tell her, "Can't we just fuckin' dance?" But then I remember I wanted a lot of technique in my learning. Ugh. I found myself chatting through a quarter of the lesson about motherhood and I did the same with daughter's gymnastics teacher yesterday too. I'm sure it's obvious to them that I'm starved for adult interaction at the moment.

Unfortunately my husband missed Halloween last night as his whole company had a big issue that needed dealing with and not to mention one of our close friends who works there found himself going to take a routine dump but instead filling the toilet with blood. Not good. Mind you, he'd been feeling nausea for a few weeks and we were all trying to get him to go to the doc. Well, husband ended up taking his ass (pun-intended) to urgent care. They did a colonoscopy and saw lots of irritation and tearing. Nothing life-threatening but he'll definitely need some follow-ups. I'm glad he's okay. I know from personal experience that a doc digging in your ass for answers is NO party. It's traumatic. At least it was for me and I only had a flex-sigmoidoscopy. Why you ask? Well I had a bout of bleeding out of my behind too. 3 times in the last seven years to be exact. Anyway, for me, it came out totally normal and now I can say that I have seen my intestines. I feel so lucky. I know, I know TMI.

Other than that, I can't believe it's November and my daughter is going to be 2 years old in a few days.

YES!

We stopped giving our daughter her pacifier for naps/night time completely over the weekend. Just like that - cold turkey. And guess what? It was no big deal! I couldn't believe it. Next hurdle....potty training!

Sad

Just found out one of my dance coaches is opening his own studio. It's too inconvenient for me to drive there so for now I guess I'm going to stick to one hour a week with my female coach. A little annoying, but the bright side is more money to save!

I happened on this blog and it just BROKE MY HEART. If you don't want to read it, it is a law student who has a new baby. After birth she noticed that he was having SCREAMING fits all day every 2 hours or so. After many doc visits and many diagnoses (colic, milk allergy, reflux) she finally got someone to do an x-ray because she told the doc (for like the 5th time) that when he breathes, she hears popping sounds. So they do the x-ray and are sent home to wait for the results. They get a call soon after saying to pack their bags and plan to stay at the hospital for awhile b/c what they found was very concerning. Well, what they found was multiple rib fractures and now the parents are being investigated for abuse and could lose their child. Right now it stands that the court doesn't want the case now BUT the parents can't be alone with their son - EVER. I can't imagine. I don't know this woman but I feel for her. She feels like she is being accused of abuse before they rule out other medial conditions that could cause this. I just don't know what I'd do.

Daughter is sleeping so I need to get back to my chores.

Here I am!

Well this has been the longest blog hiatus yet. I'm not sure why I have not blogged but then again, nothing major has happened either. Maybe that's why - most things seem trivial to write about. I'm not sure why I care since I'm like one of three people who actually read this. Okay, no one cares.

My daughter is going to be 2 years old next month. Where does the time go? We are having a small party (family mostly) for her and then comes the task of potty training and weaning her off her pacifier during sleep. Ugh. I REALLY hope it's quick and painless (the pacifier weaning that is - I have more realistic expectations of potty training). She's finally saying words and even a few short sentences. It is crazy to witness language development in a toddler. She's also getting quite good at using a fork or spoon to eat, drinking from a normal cup and jumping. What's next?

On the home front we have 2 new plants/trees: bougainvillea and a Hong Kong Orchid tree both of which are really going to look awesome once they bloom. We have also bought a new dishwasher and I'm LOVING it. It cleans great and is very quiet. The only complaint is that often the dishes are wet when the cycle is done. I've read that since it is an energy saver model, this is common. There could be worse things......like dirty dishes at the end of the cycle!

As for me, I've been dancing again for about a month now. I wish I could say it's going great and I love it but I would be lying. My muscle memory isn't coming back as fast as I'd like it to. Most of the time I feel like a huge, off-balance, fat, ugly ogre for most of the 2 hours of coaching I'm doing. Doesn't that sound awesome? I'm sticking to it because I know it will get better. I'm planning on going back to yoga (really this time) to help strengthen my non-existent core muscles. Regardless, it has been nice to get out of the house alone and do something that is just for me. I should have done this long ago as my husband kept telling me - but I'm very stubborn. He is patient with me, God bless him for that.

I'm going to write more later but now I must give my daughter a bath.

5 Questions

5 Questions...
Leave me a comment saying that you want me to ask you 5 questions.
I will respond by asking you five personal questions.

You will update your LJ or Blogger, etc... with the answers to the questions, and include this explanation.
:D

Thank you Juju for these questions!

1. Where and how did you and your husband meet?
This is kind of a funny story. We met at a housewarming party and he was actually there on a date with another woman. Because I thought they were a serious couple, I didn't feel funny about talking to them or him for that matter. His date sort of ran off and hung out with her friend and left us to chatting. He managed to get my number from another one of my friends at the party and the rest is history. *note* it was only he and this girl's second date so I don't feel like I stole him :) Besides who takes a second date to a housewarming party in the middle of the day and then ditches him? Her loss, my gain.

2. What is your favorite memory with your daughter so far? I'd have to say me and her daddy helping her out of me at her birth and "meeting" her for the first time. It's magical, I tell you. Also breastfeeding is up there too. Nothing better.

3. What is it about Africa that interests you so much? I'd have to say first the people - they are passionate about life and music and dancing despite hardships. Second - the land and it's animals. I've got a thing for giraffes and would love to see them in the wild.

4. What are the reasons you chose your profession? I'm going to assume you mean when I was a research scientist and not my current stay-at-home mom position :) I love science. Big science, meaning not little microscopic stuff and bench work. I also loved having a job where I knew I was making a difference in people's lives directly. The type of research is rare and I felt lucky to be researching such a big epidemic in our society (alcoholism). I also LOVE the hospital environment (kinda weird I know).

5. What is the greatest parenting advice you have learned thus far? Oh gosh 3 things (which I'm STILL learning): YOU MUST LEARN TO BE FLEXIBLE, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, and DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP ONCE IN AWHILE! No one is an expert at parenting the first time around but we all figure it out. We do things like get help, ask advice and don't plan things out too much. Kids have their own agenda and they will win most of the time. That's not to say be a pushover, rather, pick your battles!!

Closet hippie

Husband a few years ago: "You are a closet hippie!"
Me: "No, I'm not not...eww."
Me (a few hours later): "Wait, I guess I sort of am."

I got to thinking about this the other day when I got really mad at my husband for doing his usual routine of turning on the shower then going into the bathroom (toilet is separate from the shower) for about 20 minutes. The really bugs the shit out of me. It wastes so much water. I also get after him for leaving the faucet on while brushing his teeth and grabbing a new water bottle and taking a few sips only to realize he already has one opened. Waste, waste, waste. He is trying to get better but old habits die hard, ya know?

Last year, I decided to go as "green" as I could. I now buy all biodegradable non-toxic household cleaners including laundry and dish detergent. I use reusable grocery bags at the store and unplug many of our appliances unless they are being used. I also use a dish towel to dry my hands instead of a paper towel. There is a TON more I could do, and I will eventually, but for now I feel good about what I am doing.

I wouldn't mind driving a hybrid car and it would be even better if my husband did since he has such a long commute. He tried it once (rented one) and thought the car didn't have much power and was uncomfortable. I hope they get better. It would save us SO much money.

I don't consider myself to be a hippie but to my husband, I'm the ultimate tree hugger. I laugh when I think how he would have handled Santa Cruz (where I went to college). Heheh.

Thoughts

Lately my mind has been racing.

I recently had an emergency visit to my eye doctor (the retina specialist) because I was seeing light flashes in my right eye - not a good thing when you have MMD. He determined everything was fine BUT added that if I do decide to have another child, I am at a high risk of developing another macular hemorrhage due to slight blood pressure changes that occur during pregnancy. While this would be no big deal in other women, it can cause a blind spot in my eye. Even without another pregnancy I am STILL at risk because high blood pressure runs my family. Yay for genetics. Even with my blood pressure as it is (normal) he says I have a 50/50 chance of having another hemorrhage. Then I add in genetics and it goes up. I'm not sure I want to raise my risk even higher by having another child.

I've told a few people about this and most are very supportive, offering opinions and great insight. There are a few people though, who say things like, "Oh you can't just have one!" or, "Maybe you are being selfish.". Does it somehow make me less of a woman or a mom if I only have one child? I certainly don't look down upon women who have no children OR women who have 10 children. It's such a personal choice. I think for me the toughest part is ME being okay with my decision and not feel as though I have to defend MY choice (whatever it turns out to be).

My husband really wants a second child too. What am I to do? I kind of feel like for me to be the best mom I can be, ONE child is enough. I've never been a baby or kid loving kind of person. I've always felt a bit guilty or embarrassed by that because I somehow feel like it portrays me as a cold person. But it is what it is, part of who I am. I am the mom at the park who gets anxiety when too many kids are there or when I think of my daughter having a bunch of kids over for a party. What the hell do I do with all of them????

I'm going to be 32 years old on Monday. My 30's have proven to be such an introspective, life changing time and I'm only 2 years in!
Oh sheesh. Decisions, decisions. I'm a good person, I swear.

Long Time!

Gosh it's been awhile yet again since my last post.

We just retruned from a week-long trip to Ohio, Pennsylvania and upstate New York. Daughter did awesome. She is such a trooper. She rode her first carousel in New York and loved it so much she cried when it was time to get off. Between visiting friends and my husbands extended family, she never really got to nap during the day but she was so good and accomodating. I was so surprised. I guess I shouldn't have been as she has always been adaptable and easy-going. I guess I'm the one with the hard time!

I got to experience a few new things while on the trip:

1. I had a bite of my husband's "garbage plate". A garbage plate is basically a bunch of food on a plate piled high. In this case it was two large scoops of macaroni salad, two cheesburger patties, two large scoops of home fries and topped with onions, chili, hot sauce and ketchup. My first thought was "gross" but I was open to trying it. It's not gross but I would never order one. I'm not sure why it's so popular.

2. Saw my first drawbridge come up. Very cool! When your car is stopped right in front of one and the street is literally rising up to a 90 degree angle to your car, it's a little crazy!

3. A "bug storm". We drove through one on the drive from Pittsburgh, PA to Rochester, NY. I thought is was raining until my husband laughed and said it was just a swarm of bugs.

4. The biggest f'in ants in the world. HOLY SHIT. They are huge and they bite, I'm told.

5. I learned that on many highways out there, the left (fast) lane is only for passing. In other words, you only drive in that lane to pass people then you move back into the right lane.

6. Saw some quakers! On my last trip I saw some Amish people in a horse and buggy! I wanted to stop in one of their communities but we were pressed for time. Apparently they sell some cool hand made things and great food.

That's all for now - I have some things to do!

Lagging

I'm kind of lagging on blog posting lately.

The other night as I was getting daughter ready for her bath, I was nuzzling my face in her neck while she was lying in my lap and we were both laughing. I went down to nuzzle her one last time and BAM - her head came up and her two front teeth gouged the very tender area between my nose and upper lip. She was stunned and I instinctively began tearing up uncontrollably. I knew it was going to be ugly so I didn't even look in the mirror until I finished her bath and put her down for the night. The cuts are small (2) but deep. Thank GOD for Neosporin. I hope it heals nicely.

Since my mommy's group is not really meeting anymore, we often email updates on what our little ones have been up to lately. 2 of the moms just sent theirs in and their kids are talking (a LOT), counting to 10 AND have learned almost the whole alphabet. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I'm feeling a bit incompetent. Like it's my job to teach her these things. It's not that I'm not trying but it gets frustrating when all she says is Hi, mama, and dada. I know, I know, it doesn't matter but it's still hard to hear. I know enough not to push my daughter - she'll talk when she's ready.

Hubby took the day off work today (Yay!) to be with us as he has been MIA all week with work stuff. He didn't get home until almost 2am last night!

I am working on getting daughter's first passport (pain in the ass) as we are likely heading to London and Paris in June to tag along with hubby's business trip. I'm excited but nervous about a 10.5 hour plane ride with a toddler. God help me. Just for the fun of it I checked on prices for a Virgin Atlantic first class fare to London - $12,815. HOLY SHIT people. Who pays that? Seriously. Husband gets to fly it because the company uses their miles. Daughter and I will be livin' it up in the back. Whooohooo! I am going to talk him into exchanging his 1st class ticket to cover ALL of our tickets. Smart, eh?

AAAAHHH.....

Husband in London. Daughter in bed for the night. Brownies cooking in the oven. Just got out of the shower. Dishwasher loaded. Living room clean. Life is good.

Life is not good, however, for the victims of the Virginia Tech shooting, their families and friends. I just can't imagine the horror those students must have felt seeing such a horrific scene. No place is safe for our children anymore. Post offices, elementary schools, high schools, colleges and even McDonald's has seen massacres. It's disgusting, terrifying and so, so sad. Even though most of the time I'm glad to be living in our day and age, when I hear of things like this, I wish I were raising my children in the 1950's.

I've recently decided that I watch WAY TOO MUCH television. When this season of shows are over, I am only going to watch the shows that I can't live without. Those include The Amazing Race, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations and So You Think You Can Dance.

And yes, I still want another child. It's been a whole week of me feeling this way so this time (my husband hopes) the feeling just might stick!

Husband loves this quote:

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

I can't (yet) do all of those things. I don't think I'm that interested either - especially not in butchering a hog.

Stuff on my mind

Okay so I toured the preschool I thought I liked. The woman at the front was not as nice as the woman we met before. The rooms were not as nice as I would have hoped and the bathroom has 3 little toilets (no partition) and is shared by all 3 classrooms. It was kind of dirty in there too. EW! I think they should have partitions. Even if they need help with clothes, the teacher can fit in a stall but other kids don't need to use the bathroom in front of each other. That's weird to me.

I found another preschool that I will look at on Friday. This one even has a "kiddie cam" so parents can look in on the kids via webcam. Cool.

I'm back to wanting another child. I know, I'm psycho. I figure, the hardest part is the first few years and in the grand scheme of things, it goes fast. We'll see where I'm at next week.

I'm getting my eyebrows and upper lip waxed (along with bikini) on Friday. I should just immerse myself in a big vat of wax, I swear. I've never had my brows waxed so that will be interesting.

I had the worst dream the other night. I had left my daughter in the car for 4 hours while I went to some college class. I did it knowingly too and just figured she'd sleep!!!! I woke up so horrified. I hate dreams like that.

The sun is finally starting to shine!! Yay!

Just finished blowing out some eggs so I can decorate them in the morning. I have not decorated Easter eggs in eons! Hubby is at our neighbors 40th b-day poker party (dudes only).

Still really struggling with the decision to have another child. I know I would be completely okay with just one but I worry that she will be lonely and/or when she gets older she won't have a lot of family. I would have to hope that by then she will have started a family of her own. People say to me, you have time - just wait. Thing is I don't want to wait too long so I kind of need to decide NOW.

Now that daughter is on one nap we have been able to take advantage of a lot of activities that are in the morning like library reading groups, mommy groups and staying out all morning at a theme park or zoo. I find most of these activities to be pretty overwhelming. Just yesterday while at the park with a new mommy group, I found myself looking around at the other moms with all their gear, strollers, 2+ kids in tow and I kinda freaked out. It's hard to articulate exactly what I mean but I just feel like I'm not ready for all that (I know, I know, I'm already there). Going to the park with two kids seems like such an EVENT. Damn, sometimes going somewhere with one is an event especially if we are going to be out for more than an hour. Have to have diapers, wipes, water, snacks, change of clothes, hat, sunscreen, stroller....uuuuuuuuugh. I was always told, oh you'll get used to it. Well guess what? Almost 17 months in - I'm NOT! Now I absolutely ADORE my daughter and love watching her discover new things, grow, play, learn and raising her in general but holy shit, sometimes it's all just too much. I'm beginning to think that my "birthing hips" didn't come equipped with a "calm, go-with-the-flow mommy brain". You know, the moms you see out with 3 kids who is r e l a x e d. Instead, I'm chasing around daughter scared she's going to fall, eat dirty sand (sometimes the parks are gross), poke another kids eye, another kid is going to hit her, she'll run out of my sight...blah blah blah. Hubby says, "So what? Let it happen". Yeah, RIGHT. I hate when he says stuff like that. That's like me telling him, "Can you please be a little more detail oriented?"

You know what is really starting to chap my hide? When my parents generation say things like, "All these new gadgets. Back when we had kids, we didn't have all that and we managed." Well you know what? Back then was a more innocent time. Kids could play in the street all day, walk miles to the store alone with no fear of being kidnapped and sexually assaulted. I used to walk a half mile to the bus every morning then come home and be alone for 2-3 hours until my parents got home from work. We need new gadgets and toys so that when the kids have to stay inside, they can still be stimulated and have fun. Or when I put a cover in a grocery cart, it keeps my daughter from biting the dirty cart handle, or high chair. This new stuff is a GOOD thing. Dammit. Strollers and car seats may be heavier with more straps but they are also SAFER.

Hubby and I toured 3 preschools today. I found one I really liked but have to go back when kids are there to really see (they were closed today but the lady was kind enough to show us the playground and give us brochures). I can't believe that I already have to be on waiting lists even though my daughter is only 17 months old and I don't plan to put her in preschool until she is at least 3.

I happened to catch a new episode of Oprah the other day and she talked via-satellite to a family of 6 who packed up their things and are 7 months in to a year long trip around the world to "be of service". How cool is that? The older kids are doing online classes to keep up with school and the younger ones are being sort of "home-schooled" while on the road. They are on a budget and stay in tents often and brought very few clothes. They have volunteered at game reserves in Africa, orphanages in India, and taught English classes to youngsters. What an awesome learning experience and family bonding trip. I would LOVE to do something like this.

If you have not yet checked out the "Planet Earth" series on the Discovery Channel, DO IT! It's so awesome. It comes on on Sunday nights. The series took 5 years to film and the footage is so beautiful. I am definitely going to order the DVD of the series when it releases. My daughter will love it when she gets older.

Okay, I need to get some sleep!

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Dinner

The Thai chicken saute turned out not so good. It needs some sweetness and a bit of salt. I was pretty upset because it smelled so good and I was drooling while waiting to eat it. Oh well. I plan to re-try it this coming week.

I really need some great breakfast recipes. I'm growing tired of the same old thing.

Little Update

I have been so busy re-organizing my house and doing other day-to-day stuff that my blog has kind of taken a back seat. Now that my daughter has only been taking one nap a day for over a week now, I have to cram a lot in: unload dishwasher, re-load (stuff from breakfast), figure out and prep dinner, do or fold laundry, figure out lunch, pay bills...blah, blah, blah. In addition to that crap I have been trying to clear out clutter in our house like get rid of magazines that I was saving. I have been going through them and cutting out the useful stuff and throwing the rest away. Long process. The hard part is, daughter has only been napping AT MOST 2 hours so it's been a challenge. I was used to 4.5 hours!

It's been "Chefography Week" on Food Network. It's so interesting to learn how some of my favorite (and not-so-favorite) chefs got their start. I've learned to respect and actually kind of like a few of the chefs that used to bug me.

Hubby has been working SO MUCH lately. I'm trying to be a good wife and not complain but D A M N!!!!!!! He leaves when it's dark, gets home after dinner and often after I have fed, bathed and put daughter to sleep, and gets on his laptop to work some more before bed. I feel guilty for being annoyed b/c it's because of his hard work that I am able to stay home. I know our daughter misses him. We have good financial security but at what price? I sometimes feel like one of THOSE families you know? Hubby says it will slow down but frankly, he's been saying that for MONTHS and I'm starting to believe this is just my reality. I do know this, I highly doubt I can handle another child anytime soon if he continues to be so busy. I'm sick of the pressure from the grandparents too.

Trying a new recipe for dinner tonight: Thai chicken with basmati rice. I'm taking a recipe and changing it to my liking. I'll let you know how it turns out. The other night I made a sorry attempt at fish tacos. GROSS! I bought these great looking beer battered fillets and baked them, used corn tortillas, cabbage, sour cream, lime, and avocado. NOT good. I don't know why. How does Rubio's do it?

Upon getting out of the shower last night, I caught a glimpse of myself and decided I looked disgusting. I need to tone up and cut out the eating of sweets after dinner. I don't think anyone else can tell as the scale has not really changed. I am not fishing for compliments here either....trust me, my tummy and thighs ARE indeed inflated and if you saw me naked (which you will most likely NOT) you would agree.

Got Milk?

The strangest thing just happened. I swear I felt my milk let down! LOL! As far as I know, I have not been lactating for 6 months. It's such a distinct feeling though and I'm sure I felt it. What the...???????

Feels like summer!

It feels like summer here today! I found myself wishing I was still in school so I could ditch and hang out at the beach ;) I took my daughter out to lunch today. This is only the second time we have done this but it's kind of fun - besides, I had no idea what to give her. She hasn't been eating much but then I remembered her doc saying at this age, it's great if they get ONE good meal. She loves to drink milk and water though so that's good, especially in this heat.

I think our dishwasher eats my daughters baby spoons. WTF?? We started out with 5 and now we have 2! So annoying. I think it also ate my rice spoon. I had to take one from my mom. I LOVE rice spoons. I use them for many things.

Guess what? I am FINALLY planning a weekend away with one of my best friends! I am SO excited. It's long overdue. I'm nervous to leave my daughter but I know that I'll have fun and she will be just fine. I know Daddy is looking forward to the bonding time.

For some reason it seems like I have to wash my hair every day now. I usually don't. Every few years, my body seems to do this weird thing and my hair looks greasy after less than 24 hrs. after washing it. Weird.

We bought my daughter a swing and big playhouse that goes on the lawn. The house didn't fit in the car so my Dad is going to pick it up tonight in his big truck. Yay!

We are building out our kitchen island so we can eat at it! I'm so excited. My uncle is going to do it. It is nice to have handy men in the family :)

I convinced my husband to watch Oprah's Building a Dream show about her girls academy in Africa. He SO didn't want to. We were both in tears by the end. Pretty amazing. The girls are so smart, articulate and beautiful. Thank God for someone like Oprah to give them this opportunity. She also promised each one that she would be pay for them to go to college ANYwhere they choose in the WORLD!

That's all for now.

101 things about me

1. I'm 5'3"
2. I don't like to drive
3. I've never been in a car accident
4. I've never smoked a cigarette
5. I love turtles, lizards, owls, and giraffes
6. I'm secretly afraid of snow - I don't know why
7. I love the smell of the airport
8. I find airplane and hospital food to be pretty good
9. I can't make a taco with my tongue
10. I LOVE to dance
11. I love to organize things
12. I'm a homebody but I do love to travel - go figure
13. I can't stand coffee - even the smell of it
14. I am a hot chocolate connaiseur (my favorite is spicy Mayan)
15. I like getting my teeth cleaned
16. I can drive a stick shift (I miss it actually)
17. I am very bow-legged
18. I have larger than average pupils
19. My OB/GYN says I have birthing hips
20. I've never had a yeast infection (yay!)
21. I like my body
22. I've never had menstrual cramps
23. I've never understood why women dreaded the annual pap (it takes like a minute!)
24. I HATE rectal exams though - I'm grumpy the rest of the day
25. I loved being pregnant and am looking forward to it again
26. I am scared to have 2 kids to take care of - the logistics seem impossible!
27. I tried out for the T.V. show "The Amazing Race"
28. This is my second marriage
29. Pasta is my ultimate comfort food followed by warm chocolate chip cookies
30. I hate white chocolate
31. I TiVo way too many shows
32. My mother is one of 8 children, my grandmother is one of 13
33. I almost always hear music in my head
34. I like waving to the people who sell newspapers at intersections
35. Large crowds make me somewhat uncomfortable but I don't avoid them
36. I'm afraid of fire
37. I'm afraid of the ball
38. I'm a daddy's girl
39. I think my dad is the BEST father EVER but I don't think he's a great husband.
40. I miss my brother (he lives in another country)
41. I used to think the sound of someone throwing up was kind of funny - then I had a
bulemic roommate in college and now it freaks me out when I hear someone throw up
42. I resent my in-laws relationship with money - they just don't know how to manage
it
43. I'm very picky about fat on meat - I will cut off every last bit
44. When I see fashion shows on TV's I wonder, "who in the hell wears that??"
45. I love photography
46. My eyes are not great
47. I am tone deaf - really BAD
48. I love to watch my daughter sleep
49. I love to watch my daughter suck a pacifier
50. I hate the word "binky" - we call the pacifier a "suck-suck" LOL
51. I actually liked high school
52. I HATED junior high
53. I wish I was not so sensitive
54. I always tell my Dad "I love you" before we hang up the phone. I started doing it
when my parents got divorced and my Dad moved out. I'm glad it's a habit now.
55. Broccoli is my favorite vegetable
56. Cucumbers are my second favorite
57. I love doughnuts (glazed, chocolate, maple - you name it!)
58. I wanted to work at the dump when I was little
59. I also wanted to be a waitress and a cheerleader (done both). I aimed high!
60. My first kiss wasn't until 16 and I lost my virginity at 19 (my parents would be
proud)
61. I used to have nightmares of getting pregnant in high school - this was great
birth control
62. I've never tried any other drug except marijuana
63. I'm not good at math
64. I'm good at geography
65. I've pet a baby gray whale in the wild in a tiny fishing boat
66. I've drawn blood from the flipper of a baby elephant seal
67. I can't say the word "anus" without laughing
68. It bugs me when people call soda "pop"
69. I've had LASIK surgery twice and I still wear glasses
70. I love BINGO
71. I'm rarely thirsty - I have to force myself to drink
72. I like to drink beer from a bottle, not a glass
73. I've done a high ropes course
74. I loved breasfeeding my daughter
75. I like going to movies alone
76. I have excellent credit
77. I don't enjoy manicures or pedicures
78. I don't like people touching my feet or ankles
79. I think Christina Aguilera has one of the best voices ever
80. I love soda but limit myself
81. My mom is not as nurturing as I am
82. I like to mountain bike
83. I've had sex in public (outside a play during intermission)
84. I like my steak medium-well
85. I don't eat egg yolks unless they are scrambled
86. I don't eat sushi but I LOVE Japanese food
87. I'm allergic to Dextramethorphan (the active ingredient in cough medicines - it
sucks)
88. I love avocados
89. I don't like to go into banks - I'm always afraid they are going to be robbed
90. I've gone SCUBA diving at night - very cool
91. I can't spend all day at the mall even though I'm a woman
92. I sometimes have a hard time living in the moment b/c I'm always thinking ahead
93. Yoga makes me feel so healthy
94. I don't drink milk unless I'm eating chocolate
95. I broke my wrist twice in a year
96. I've had a flex-sigmoidoscopy and it SUCKED!
97. I have seen the inside of my large intestines thanks to the sigmoidoscopy
98. I hated the movie "Fargo"
99. Austin Powers is NOT my kind of humor....*BARF*
100. I was raised Catholic
101. I need to get back to reality and clean the house!

Surgery consult

The dreaded apt. has passed.

We waited in the waiting room a long time (this REALLY pisses husband off) before finally getting to see the doc. He seems great, very patient, answers all questions, been an ENT for over 20 years...blah blah blah. Daughter did NOT appreciate him looking in her ears and mouth though or even listening to her heart. He asked about her health (which is fabulous) and did a mini-physical (no probs) then explained the ~30 minute surgery and what he would do. Husband asked if there are risks if we wait and he said perhaps her memory - meaning if we do it now, she won't have a memory of it, whereas if we wait until she is 3 or over she may have more trauma. Doc went on to explain that she will cry and protest even now, especially when we "hand her off to the nurse to go into the operating room". That was it for me. Once he said that, it was kind of hard for me to focus on anything else. ALL I could think about was my screaming daughter being pulled from my arms, taken to an operating room with strangers, a mask put over face, and the terror she might feel. I don't care if she won't remember dammit! Husband does not like the idea of general anesthesia even though the doctor said that once they are over 6 months old the risk is the same as getting in a car accident.

His nurse is supposed to call us w/in the week to schedule her surgery. As we left the doctor tonight, we both were not sure of it. We picked up some food on the way home but neither of us could really eat. The more we talked about it, the more we talked ourselves out of it. I don't think we could live with ourselves if something happened. ESPECIALLY since there is nothing wrong with her health. This is a cosmetic procedure. A part of me is relieved but a part of me still feels it is looming over our heads. We agreed to revisit it at her next dentist apt. and ask more questions. Perhaps when she is older (like 5 or more) we can reason with her and give her a choice. Perhaps we are making the wrong decision in waiting. I don't know. All I know is that I can't possibly allow an O.R. nurse take my 15 month old, scared, crying daughter from my arms. The thought of it makes me ill. I just can't do it. And niether can my husband.

Sometimes when I think about all the difficult decisions we'll have to make in the future (perhaps not as difficult as this), I think, "I'm so NOT ready for this!" Too bad I guess. In the grand scheme of things this is not that big of a deal and I count my blessings that my daughter is healthy. I guess God really does give you only what he knows you can handle.

Dream

My dream last night was that I had moved to New York City and hated it! My husband was a janitor and was training me to clean this really horrible public bathroom down in a dark subway system. I was to work the graveyard shift. In my dream, I was walking home in the dark alone along the streets and was terrified. What does that mean? Husband just laughed when I told him about my dream. I'm happy it's not my reality. I would really like to visit NYC, though not as a graveyard shift working subway janitor.

Weekend

So, my sweet tooth is still so out of control...what is wrong with me????!!!

We took my daughter to the zoo on Saturday. Talk about crowded. She is still more interested in people watching than the animals. Soon enough. She also thinks everything is either a dog or a monkey. It's hilarious.

Daughter seems to be back to one nap again. She slept in until about 8am this morning then didn't go down for a nap until noon! It's now almost 3:30 and she's still asleep. I've gotten a lot done though so I'm not complaining. Hubby is gone tonight so we are going to my mom's for some chicken soup - I'm really looking forward to that. I told her she needs to start acting like a true grandma and always have some cookies or pie baking when we arrive ;)

Daughter's surgery consult is tomorrow. I'm kind of freaked out about the whole thing. Please keep us in your thoughts.

Naps, work, food

Well, for the past 3 days daughter has been back to 2 naps (10-12, 4-5:30). Just when I think I have it all figured out! *Sigh*

I just realized that my husband has not had dinner with us yet this week. He worked late on Tuesday night (got home at 11pm), spent the night on Wednesday night and last night he didn't get home until 7. The latest I can feed my daughter is 6pm. I know it has been hard on him. He is seriously looking into purchasing a plane to fly himself up there. It is only a 40 minute flight and since he has his pilot's license, it seems worth it. It a lot of $$ though. I would like to pay off both of our cars first. It's so frustrating. I don't want to move closer to his work because I don't like the area and it's considerably more expensive AND we are so close to all the grandparents now (20 minutes at the most).

I made a really good chili last night with ground turkey, black beans and kidney beans and topped with avocado and sour cream. I also made some really great cornbread muffins. Daughter wasn't that into it. Oh well. She liked picking out the beans and eating those.

Okay, I need to go take a shower. TGIF!!

Dinner Party

We had my old roommate and her husband over on Sunday. They are expecting their first baby. I have not seen them since before I was pregnant! Anyhow, we didn't care for each other much while living together - it's amazing how our relationship is better now that we don't live together!

They are vegetarians so I made a salad with avocado, radish, carrot, cucumber and baby greens. For an appetizer, I made a bruschetta with olive oil, balsamic vineagar, grape tomatoes, green onions, avocado and buffalo mozzarella all served on some really great crusty bread. It's so good. Make it.

My husband wanted to do the main course - eggplant parmesan. I have only tried it once and didn't care for it then. Well, I found a recipe where you bake it instead of fry it and I still didn't like it. I just don't like eggplant. It has a soggy bread consistency to me and I can't stand that texture. Eeew. Everyone else seemed to like it (or they said they did and cleaned their plate).

For dessert (the best part) I made mini napoleans. I used puff pastry and topped with cool whip, nutella and strawberries. Puff pastry rocks.

Keeping up with a toddler

I'm finding this to be VERY difficult as of late. It's amazing how creative mothers must be. I feel as though I have run out of ways and things to do to entertain my daughter. My experience so far tells me that this will pass so I'm hoping it's just one of my phases. She always wants to be outside and that is great but I get tired of chasing her everywhere to make sure she is safe. Today she was fascinated with the mud in one of our planters. Of course, a big heap ended up in her mouth and hair. Yay. Then she ate some tree bark, some leaves and some sort of seed pod. You would think I'm staring off not paying attention but I am standing right there. It is amazing how quick she is.

I really need to buy her one of those big plastic toy houses to go on the lawn so she has somewhere safer to play in.

The eye technician called me today (she left a message - I was putting my daughter down for a nap). They really want me to come back. She says I won't have to deal with the front desk at all. I don't know how that is possible though. I don't even want to *see* that woman. I'm sort of conflicted. I don't want to punish the rest of them, but I feel like I need to make a statement. I don't know what to do. I want my contacts - but do I want them for $365 and more importantly, do I want contacts from them???? Ugh.

My daughter may be back on two naps. Who knows? See? Just when she goes to one nap, she switches again. I'm not always such a go-with-the-flow person and motherhood most definitely is testing me.

Husband just informed me he will be home late tonight. He's spending the night tomorrow night too. This sucks sometimes. I'm trying to be understanding but right now I'm having a hard time.

Woohoo!

I just got carded at the grocery store when I bought some beer! I'm a happy mama.

Friday & Saturday

I feel like I need to write about a few things.

On Friday afternoon I had an appointment to pick up my new pair of contact lenses at the eye doctor. This would be only the 3rd time I have been there and the first two times were not so fun. I found the woman at the front to be incredibly rude and unprofessional and the rest of the staff broke a lot of patient confidentiality laws. I could hear them whispering about my diagnosis, my insurance, my age, etc. The woman at the front repeatedly yelled from her desk for me to give her my husbands social security number - mind you I am sitting in the waiting room with other patients. When I was fitted for my contacts I was told they would be about $65 but they would call me when they ordered them to give me an exact quote. Well, they didn't. They called me when my contacts came in (a week later) and informed me they were $365!!!! Ummmm, hello??????!!!!!!!!!!! I called my insurance and they said they would pay for part of it. Still, I'm pissed and feel I don't HAVE to have them especially since they ordered them BEFORE telling me of a $300 difference in what they originally said.

Okay, so that's a little background. My apt. on Friday was at 1:15pm. I got there at 1:08pm and the door is locked and the lights are out. I call the office (the call forwards to their other office) and a very nice woman tells me they are on their way but she will call them to let them know I am waiting outside. No big deal. They arrive at 1:15 and let me in. No greeting. No hello, how are you? Nothing. I sign in and sit down. I then hear the technician and the front desk woman talking about my insurance. She then yells across the room for the optician and says, "George, can you come here and tell me if this girl gets any money for her contacts, I can't tell - I don't think she does, but she says she does." I'm thinking to myself, does she not see me sitting right here? Again she asks for my hubby's SSN. Her and the tech talked about my insurance for 30 minutes. Mind you, I can hear them and I am STILL in the waiting room. Another gentleman walks in who has a 1:30 apt and he gets called right in. Finally at 2pm I asked the wicked witch when I will be called and she says "right now". This was after she argued with me that I don't qualify for even a partial insurance payment because I've used all my benefit. Mind you again, that this is the FIRST time I have even used this insurance. It's not WHAT she said but HOW she said it.
So it's 2pm and I can feel my face turn red with rage and I'm starting to cry. I have never been treated so rudely in my WHOLE LIFE. I am not one of those annoying people who is always complaining of poor customer service. I feel I am always treated well and I also understand that if I am not that everyone has bad days. I make allowance for this. But I don't make allowance for pure rudeness and unprofessionalism 3 TIMES IN A ROW!

After sitting there for a moment with tears welling up in my eyes, I decide to walk out. As I'm walking out, I can't believe what I'm doing but I know I can't be there anymore. I call hubby in tears and he says he will handle it. Hubby then calls, gets the bitch on the phone, gets a lot of rudeness then gets handed off to the tech who apologizes profusely.

Here's what I'm going to do: I am going to write a letter to the doctor explaining what happened so he knows that he is losing a patient (and $365 that they will have to swallow) because the woman he hired for "customer service" is such a miserable, bitchy, unprofessional human being (and that is being nice). I am going to ask my retinal specialist for recommendations.

Okay, on to better things! Our Friday night date was great. The food was not the best but who cares? When we got home we even watched Survivor on TiVo. Gotta love TiVo. Today was even better. We drove down to the water early this morning as it was such a gorgeous day. On the way home we stopped at some GORGEOUS model homes near our house. I LOVE doing this. Get this - the kitchens come equipped with Thermador appliances as a standard feature!! Double ovens, warming drawer, $8000 top front vented extra large refrigerator, 6 burner cook top with built in griddle, walk in pantry, butler prep area, wine cellar and beverage refrigerator! I was in HEAVEN! Of course we can't afford all of that but a girl can dream. Then we came home and put our daughter down for her nap while I lounged outside in our hammock in the sun and read some magazines while my husband worked on his laptop on the patio table. At 3pm we dropped off my daughter at my dad's house and we headed to Home Depot to pick a few things then went to a park and walked around the lake, held hands, and watched the ducks and turtles. Back to my Dad's where daughter did great, then off to dinner with my Dad (for his birthday). Now, at home, I have just finished watching a cheesy teeny-bop movie called "The Princess and the Barrio Boy" I loved every minute of it. It was such a GREAT, full day. Maybe this one nap a day thing isn't so bad on the weekends. We certainly got to do a lot more and the gorgeous weather was such a bonus.

I'm back!

I wrote a nice long post yesterday but something happened and the whole thing got deleted. At the time, I didn't feel like writing the whole thing over again. So here I am again.

Husband just called and told me that he will be staying another night up at work. He was gone last night too. I'm bummed. Mostly because it's Valentine's Day and I'm feeling sorry for myself. Oh well. We are supposed to go out Friday night to a nice dinner. I hope it works out.

I am finally fully recovered from that nasty stomach flu. I went from almost 115 lbs. to 111 lbs. in just a day and a half. I am still only at 112 lbs which is CRAZY because I have the WORST sweet tooth right now. I have been indulging that sweet EVERY night for the past week too! Things like strawberries with Nutella, rice crispy treats and s'mores have rounded out my night. You'd think I was pregnant or something - but I'm not. In fact, I am on my second cycle of NuvaRing and I must say I love it. It is so easy to use.

My mom really pissed me off last weekend. For some reason, I have a hard time admitting when my parents make me mad. Basically, she was supposed to watch my daughter for a couple of hours on Saturday or Sunday. She told me she wasn't sure if she could as she was still feeling ill (she caught our stomach flu). I said okay, just call me and let me know. Well, she never called and on Sunday night I called her and found out she was at the f'in casino. I was so mad and I let her know.

After much resistance, my mom started taking some Prozac. She has been struggling over the past year with feeling depressed. It is due to menopause and she has been trying all of the natural remedies but none of them have worked. I know she feels funny about taking an anti-depressant but you know, if nothing else works, you gotta do what you gotta do. Everyone deserves to be happy. I hope menopause does not have the same effect on me. Ugh.

My daughter seems to have made the transition to one nap. Contrary to what everyone says - it is NOT easier. I have to cram in dinner prep, cleaning, laundry, etc, with no break. Oh well. I have a great life and should not complain.

I am out of things to say......but I promise to try and blog more often.

The worst 2.5 days of my life....

....were from Thursday afternoon to Sunday morning.

I unfortunately got that NASTY stomach flu that has been going around. It came on so suddenly on Thursday evening and I was up all night b/c it was coming out BOTH ENDS (sorry) every 5-10 minutes ALL NIGHT LONG. My daughter also vomited 3 times in her crib and my poor husband had to deal with it as I was busy puking myself. It didn't even seem to bother my daughter! CRAZY. I avoid throwing up at all costs. On Friday both my parents had to take off work and come help me in shifts on Friday b/c my husband had to be at work. My stomach was in constant knots, I had a HUGE migraine, my whole body ached so that I could not get comfortable and I was so gassy. So gross. My daughter seemed fine on Friday but on Saturday morning she was completely lethargic. This scared the SHIT out of me. She would just lay there and do nothing and was super sleepy. We called the doc and since she didn't have a fever, they told us to just keep her warm and hydrated. She was fine by noon.

Now today, Monday, I am just now starting to get my appetite and energy back. I have lost 4 pounds too! I'm so glad it didn't seem to hit my daughter as hard as me - must be because she got the flu shot and I didn't. Lesson learned. I hope none of you get it. It's one of the worst things I have ever experienced.

Stuff

I just found out one of my good friends and his wife are having a GIRL! Yay for them! Of course, as a dad, he is flipping out and fast-forwarding to her first date.

One of the things I enjoy doing when my daughter is asleep for the night and my husband is away for the night is watching TLC. A couple of nights ago I saw two shows that blew my mind. One was called something like "I eat 33,000 calories a day" which of course sparked my interest. They chronicled the lives of 4 people who are morbidly obese and are (obviously) addicted to food. One man who weighed 700lb (no, I'm not kidding) had been in bed (literally) for 10 YEARS! His family cooks all his meals for him AND he orders take-out in the middle of the night and lowers the money down in a bucket (he lives on the 5th floor) while the delivery person sends up the food. He eats an average of 14,500 calories per day. They listed his daily foods and it was things like 8 steaks, 6 fried eggs, 16 chocolate bars, 3 plates of fried rice, 4 bowls of french fries, 10 bags of potato chips. HOLY SHIT! GROSS. It's sad because he is too fat to exercise so he is basically eating himself to death.

The other show (don't know the name) was about a family with 12 kids. Wow. All home-schooled. Crazy. I secretly envy these parents as I think it would be so cool to have that many kids. I just have to settle for how ever many I have - but trust me, it won't be 12.

Yesterday was a rough one. My daughter had not one but two bouts of explosive diarrhea that smelled SO bad and got everywhere (my jeans, sweater, wrist, her thighs, her pants, her sweater, our carpet, her changing pad) and just before her 2nd explosion, I got a migraine. I fed her dinner, bathed her, put her to bed then I went straight to bed at 7:30pm. Husband came home at 10:45pm and I was out of it. Ugh.

Hilarious!

I couldn't stop laughing when I saw this video

Dinner Tonight

Panko crusted halibut with serrano aioli
Parmesan, olive oil and roasted garlic oven fries
Sauteed zucchini with garlic

Wow. It was excellent. The recipe is from Cooking Light magazine. The halibut is actually supposed to be "cornflake crusted" but I could not for the life of me find just plain ol' corn flakes at the store. I always have panko on hand at home (they are Japanese style bread crumbs). I overcooked the halibut slightly which does not surprise me as I do this often. I rarely cook fish and am always paranoid to under cook it. I know, that is nearly impossible. I'm learning.

My fingers are burning like crazy. Apparently the oils from the serrano chilies have leaked into my skin. I washed my hands about 3 times really well, but it still burns.

I highly recommend this meal and the best part is from start to finish it is only 30 minutes! My kind of meal. My goal is to make one new recipe a week to build a larger repertoire of weekly meals. I've realized I spend all this money on foodie magazines but don't try new recipes as often I'd like. When I make something gross I'll post that too. Trust me, it isn't so rare!

Random ramblings

I have a mild headache right now. How annoying. I *so* don't feel like making dinner. Husband doesn't want me to cook either - feels I need a break (awww) as he has been gone for 2 days. I want a HUGE bowl of pasta for dinner. I swear I could polish off a pound of it on my own. And I don't mean that gross whole wheat stuff either. I do use whole wheat spaghetti but any other shape is WAY TOO chewy and gross. Sorry, I guess I just love the white flour and extra carbs. Yummy.

Rachael Ray bugs me. I used to like her. I have even made some of her recipes and they are pretty good. But HER - I don't like. I have heard from a few people that she is a real pill whose head is just way to big to fit into the door of Food Network. When I hear gossip about celebrities, I take it with a grain of salt because there is no way to know what's true and what isn't. Besides, I like to remain my naive little self when it comes to thinking that some, if not most, are nice normal folks who don't cheat on their spouses and make ridiculous demands of the poor people who get stuck serving them.

Okay, I have a confession to make. I have been sucked into the latest MTV reality show, Maui Fever!!! Yeah, I admit it. In addition, I watch The Hills, Dancelife and The Real Word. I know, I know but I LOVE IT!!!!

Today is a special day - 3 years ago tonight, my husband proposed to me on the water after a nice dinner. The next day we left for a month long trip to Guam, Japan and Australia. Now three years later, we are married, own a home and have a beautiful daughter! Time flies.

Inspired

Sometimes my obsession with The Food Network yields fabulous meals. I have been so inspired this week by the foods that my favorite chefs have been whipping up. Tonight I'm making sloppy joes (a recipe from my favorite nutritionist) with roasted asparagus. Yesterday I made a fabulous lemon broccoli pasta with pine nuts courtesy of Barefoot Contessa (Ina Garten). Tomorrow I'm making another recipe from a nutritionist - meatloaf (with ground turkey breast), steamed broccoli and roasted garlic and rosemary new potatoes. This weekend I'm going to make a lentil and rice salad and a spinach salad with prosciutto and an orange vinaigrette. YUM!

Husband thinks it's cute that I get excited to make such all American dishes like sloppy joes and meatloaf. I never had any of these growing up as my mom was a pretty traditional Chamorro cook. Things like pork adobo, kelaguen, finadene, white sticky rice & kadoo (that spelling is so weird but my mom says that's correct). I thought the term BBQ meant meat marinated in soy sauce, vinegar, garlic and onion. It wasn't until I was in high school and was invited to a friends BBQ and looked at her puzzled when I tasted the traditional American BBQ sauce. How embarrassing. It's not like Chamorro food is well known around here. My poor husband rarely get potatoes with dinner - it's always rice! White sticky rice. Trying to cut back on the white rice but brown rice just isn't as good when you grow up with the white stuff.

Watch Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations on the Travel Channel. He is hilarious. I love his wit and humor. He travels around the world sampling various cuisine and meeting other foodies in the area. Be prepared to laugh and/or be grossed out.

Daughter awake! More later.

Naps & Gagging

I think daughter is transitioning to one nap. I know I've said this before but this time I think it's really happening. I need to adjust it back a bit though. She is now going down around 10:30 and waking at 1:30ish. From 1:30pm to 7:30pm (bedtime) is kind of a long time for a 14-month old (today is her official 14 month birthday)!

So, I cancelled her oral surgeon consult and got her one with an ENT (ear, nose, throat doc). In my research I've found they are the ones who do it most although it is such a simple thing that dentists even do it. Little miss butt-head from daughter's dentist office pissed me off though so I'm not even going to ask them. Hmmphf. My mom sent me a doctor's slide-show on some of his before and after patients who had the surgery. Interesting. One of the side-effects of not having the surgery is painful breastfeeding for mom (HELLO -wish someone would have checked daughter for this earlier), bed wetting once potty-trained (no idea why), speech impediments, self-esteem issues (duh), and digestion problems (apparently it affects swallowing). The doc stresses that while it is such a simple and common procedure, the benefits are HUGE! To bad this doc is in Kansas City. The doc I found was on the "country's best doc" list so I'm happy with my choice. Please pray, send good vibes, meditate, chant or whatever you do for an easy procedure. Consult is Jan. 9. Gonna be harder on me no doubt.

Now I have a VERY strong stomach. Almost NOTHING makes me feel ill or gag and it is hard to gross me out (at least with the usual things) but lately my daughters diapers have been really bad. I did almost gag on one of them. I don't know what it is! I always dump the crap in the toilet and then throw the diaper away to eliminate smell in the house and let me tell you the walk to the bathroom with said diaper in hand was so difficult. Doesn't help when you can feel the warmth of the fresh crap on your hand coming through the diaper. Isn't that lovely?
One thing that completely grosses me out is bad breath. I know we all have it sometimes but the psychiatrist I used to work for - oh lordy - it was BAD. Smelled like a combo of moth balls, dog shit, coffee, and cigarettes (he didn't even smoke!). This would not have been a problem except that he was one of those breathy speakers. You know how some people just breathe all over you when they talk? He was such a great guy though so that made it even more difficult to hide my disgust during our meetings at work. During the early part of my pregnancy, meeting with him with a queasy stomach was too much.

Okay, she's awake - back to mommyhood! :)

Food

I love food. I love to make it (when I have time) , look at it, read books and magazines about it, and watch people prepare it. I am addicted to The Food Network. If the TV is on during the day (not often) it is ALWAYS on The Food Network. My 3 favorites are Ellie Krieger, Giada DeLaurentiis and Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa). I get absolutely mesmerized by watching them cook. I hope my daughter shares this love.

I love to ask people what their favorite meal or food memory is. I have so many. A few that stand out: 1)Eating an early dinner with my dad in Monterey, CA on the way to visit UC Santa Cruz. The restaurant was on pilings on the water and was called The Fish Hopper. We could see sea otter frolicking in the kelp just 50 feet away. I had the BEST pasta primavera there. 2)Eating a pizza with my fiance (at the time) in my college dorm room while stoned. I remember I had taken out my contacts and had my glasses on, we were listening to Bob Marley's Catch A Fire album and I was IN HEAVEN! He started laughing hysterically because I was drooling and didn't even know it. He had come to surprise me for the weekend. 3)My cousin Karen made a beef tenderloin with a mustard sauce over it one summer night. I ate SO much - I couldn't believe how great it was. Neither of us has been able to re-create it. I'll stop here. It's funny how great food memories are often not necessarily the food, but the ambiance, the people/person whom you shared it with and the circumstance that brought you there.

I am over my emotional crisis. It was mostly due to the fact that my husband was gone for the past two days and I was totally flipped out over my daughters "tongue-tie". After doing a lot of research and learning how common it is and my husband telling me how not a big deal it is, I feel better. We did make a consult appointment with an oral surgeon on Feb. 6 just to get his opinion. Just before dinner my daughter stuck out her tongue. You would have thought I won the lottery. I was excited. It wasn't far, but hey it was out! Anyway - she has a robust flap of skin above her two front teeth that attaches to the underside of her lip too. You can't tell unless you lift up her lip but the dentist showed me and said it could cause a gap in her permanent 2 front teeth (her baby teeth already have this). I think we'll likely have that clipped for sure. Ugh, I hate thinking about it.

I had a dream about Africa the other night. I was on a safari and was sitting in a hot tub under the sky talking to some strangers. AAAAhhhhhhhhh so nice. What a cool trip to take with your kids. I WILL do this one day.

I'm craving s'mores. I think I'll make myself one. Good night!

Feeling blue

I don't know why really - must be the hormones or something. I'm starting NuvaRing on Sunday so perhaps that will calm down my raging hormones. Menopause should be SO much fun. My mom is having a difficult time with it right now and I'm just praying I don't take after her.

My daughter had her first dentist apt. today. Me being the anal mom that I am , arrived 15 minutes early knowing I'd likely have to fill out 71 pages of crap (why don't they just mail it to me?). So upon walking up to the front door and trying to open it, I find that it is locked. Hmmm.....I try a couple more times, then peep inside and knock lightly. The lady mouths the words "o n e - t h i r t y" to me. Great. So we sat in the car and waited 15 minutes. While trying to fill out the paperwork, my daughter manages to rip the first of the 71 pages I have to fill out in half. When I go to hand them in the lady made kind of a stink about having to tape it together. I imagined reaching over the counter and choking her.
The hygenist was a weirdo. She brushed her teeth then decided to use that air-sucker thingy at that really scared my daughter. That was it. Then she tries to calm her down by saying "good job" over and over. Huh? Am I on TV? The dentist was SO much better. He examined her then says she has a short frenulum (the skin that holds down the tongue underneath) and she may have to get it clipped if it affects her speech later. Great. Now I'm upset and trying not to cry. My husband had this problem and got "clipped" and says it's no big deal. I cried the whole way home from the dentist and have been feeling teary all day now. Why does this upset me? Days like this are hard. Husband promises to come to the next dentist apt.

I promise to have a more upbeat post next time.

My Eyes (again)

Today (on recommendation of my retinal specialist) I went to see a GREAT doctor to see if I would be a candidate for LASIK surgery again. Turns out I'm not which I'm kind of glad since it's so much $$ - it would have been $7000 ($3500 each eye- YIKES!). I could have PRK but I'm not going to as the recovery is a month long and I could have lots of scar tissue. I don't want to risk it. My best options are contacts and/or glasses. I have not worn glasses since I was 13!! I used to hate them. I also plan to get contacts as well. I wore hard contact lenses for 11 years with no problems.

I was so nervous to go in for my eye exam for some reason. The assistants and doc where very nice and to the point. I was told that I probably shouldn't have gotten LASIK back in 2000 since my corneas are kind of skinny to begin with. They are now measuring 38 and normal is considered 42! I was upset upon hearing this but it is what it is and I can't change it. I got 6+ years of not having to wear contacts or glasses. Even though I now have to wear them, my prescription is much less than before (was -9,-10 and now is -3,-2) so that is good. No more coke bottles for me.

I also learned I have a slight astigmatism which must be new and I have unusually large pupils. Ha ha ha. The doc said that many women long for large pupils as it is a sign of beauty but unfortunately those of us who have them have bad night vision. Interesting huh? My night vision sucks. They have come out with a new type of glasses for people like me that helps with night vision and the halos we see around lights at night. Kinda cool.

Turns out I really shouldn't be driving with my eyes as they are. I am going to drop off my prescription for glasses and pick some frames TONIGHT!

Our monstrous 56" TV arrived today and my husband even went in to work late so he could set it up. This thing is HUGE! So funny how men love big TVs. Ours was a bit small for the niche in the living room I must admit. It will take some getting used to for me.

I know my blogs are all over the place - sorry - writing well with smooth transitions was never my strong point.

I watched the weirdest movie last night - Shop Girl with Claire Danes and Steve Martin. I just couldn't get into Steve Martin as a rich playboy.....strange. Not at all what I expected. I rated it 3 stars on Netflix since I didn't hate it.