Just finished blowing out some eggs so I can decorate them in the morning. I have not decorated Easter eggs in eons! Hubby is at our neighbors 40th b-day poker party (dudes only).

Still really struggling with the decision to have another child. I know I would be completely okay with just one but I worry that she will be lonely and/or when she gets older she won't have a lot of family. I would have to hope that by then she will have started a family of her own. People say to me, you have time - just wait. Thing is I don't want to wait too long so I kind of need to decide NOW.

Now that daughter is on one nap we have been able to take advantage of a lot of activities that are in the morning like library reading groups, mommy groups and staying out all morning at a theme park or zoo. I find most of these activities to be pretty overwhelming. Just yesterday while at the park with a new mommy group, I found myself looking around at the other moms with all their gear, strollers, 2+ kids in tow and I kinda freaked out. It's hard to articulate exactly what I mean but I just feel like I'm not ready for all that (I know, I know, I'm already there). Going to the park with two kids seems like such an EVENT. Damn, sometimes going somewhere with one is an event especially if we are going to be out for more than an hour. Have to have diapers, wipes, water, snacks, change of clothes, hat, sunscreen, stroller....uuuuuuuuugh. I was always told, oh you'll get used to it. Well guess what? Almost 17 months in - I'm NOT! Now I absolutely ADORE my daughter and love watching her discover new things, grow, play, learn and raising her in general but holy shit, sometimes it's all just too much. I'm beginning to think that my "birthing hips" didn't come equipped with a "calm, go-with-the-flow mommy brain". You know, the moms you see out with 3 kids who is r e l a x e d. Instead, I'm chasing around daughter scared she's going to fall, eat dirty sand (sometimes the parks are gross), poke another kids eye, another kid is going to hit her, she'll run out of my sight...blah blah blah. Hubby says, "So what? Let it happen". Yeah, RIGHT. I hate when he says stuff like that. That's like me telling him, "Can you please be a little more detail oriented?"

You know what is really starting to chap my hide? When my parents generation say things like, "All these new gadgets. Back when we had kids, we didn't have all that and we managed." Well you know what? Back then was a more innocent time. Kids could play in the street all day, walk miles to the store alone with no fear of being kidnapped and sexually assaulted. I used to walk a half mile to the bus every morning then come home and be alone for 2-3 hours until my parents got home from work. We need new gadgets and toys so that when the kids have to stay inside, they can still be stimulated and have fun. Or when I put a cover in a grocery cart, it keeps my daughter from biting the dirty cart handle, or high chair. This new stuff is a GOOD thing. Dammit. Strollers and car seats may be heavier with more straps but they are also SAFER.

Hubby and I toured 3 preschools today. I found one I really liked but have to go back when kids are there to really see (they were closed today but the lady was kind enough to show us the playground and give us brochures). I can't believe that I already have to be on waiting lists even though my daughter is only 17 months old and I don't plan to put her in preschool until she is at least 3.

I happened to catch a new episode of Oprah the other day and she talked via-satellite to a family of 6 who packed up their things and are 7 months in to a year long trip around the world to "be of service". How cool is that? The older kids are doing online classes to keep up with school and the younger ones are being sort of "home-schooled" while on the road. They are on a budget and stay in tents often and brought very few clothes. They have volunteered at game reserves in Africa, orphanages in India, and taught English classes to youngsters. What an awesome learning experience and family bonding trip. I would LOVE to do something like this.

If you have not yet checked out the "Planet Earth" series on the Discovery Channel, DO IT! It's so awesome. It comes on on Sunday nights. The series took 5 years to film and the footage is so beautiful. I am definitely going to order the DVD of the series when it releases. My daughter will love it when she gets older.

Okay, I need to get some sleep!